LOVE

Went bac to Ipoh for a day trip to attend secondary school fren's wedding...
Feeling so tired right now, reached KL bout nearly 9m..
Was so hot in the afternoon & yet so heavy rain not long after that...


SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU AZNEY....

Just got the news that dry dock (@ S'pore) time was extended... was suppose to sail from Singapore to Phuket coming 16 Nov... Was kinda disappointed cause was really looking forward to Phuket. Hope the next port will still be Phuket after dry dock... If not it will be straight to Middle East... I wanna be in Phuket ... sob sob sob

DOULOS location: Singapore - Dry Dock till 16 Nov 2009

Just came back from Mid Valley at bout nearly 2am.. Watched cloudy meatball...

Bought ticket for 0012 show...
Entered the cinema bout 0000....
No one else was in there...
I was so excited...hehe...
Was literally walking up & down as if the whole cinema was booked by me...
Sitting on chairs every level, trying to find the best place with the best hight and best view...
0005....0010....Still no one walked in...

Was so happy & praying out loud...
'GOD PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE WATCH THIS SHOW...PLEASE... I WANT THE WHOLE CINEMA FOR OURSELVES' ( my Ling & me)

more excited...0015..still no one walked in...
YES!!YES!!MY WISH COME TRUE...
I CAN HAVE THE WHOLE CINEMA FOR MYSELF ...

0016....kacau only...
:( one couple walked in...
I was like... *&^%$##^&#@!

then 0018... another couple walked in.... %%^^%%$#$#!

then 0025...5 people walked in.... ##$@@$$^^&&!!!!!!
0030...3 more **&&%%$$######!

In the end: 14 people was there...

Bought the cloudy meatball limited edition umbrella...
Posed with it just now...(wanted to upload it here, but lazy right now)
Maybe something was inside the coke & M&M...

Super active after the movie...
Was walking and playing around with the umbrella.. poking Ling buttock from behind...
Waving it & 'kung fu'ing with it (ala Bruce Lee's style)
Wonder what those guards was thinking if they saw me through CCTV..
Haha never mind...since its 0130.... they must be bored & needed entertainment :P

So many to write...

Was back to Ipoh the past week...
In Penang for short while..
Back to KL on 30 Oct...

More bout it next post.... already 0420...
Tired but hyped up....


Going to say goodnite to my dearest Bit & Mit....


Going to read the book I just bought at Borders, Garden...

Will be MIA for at least a week....
Its a bright sunny day..last night was cold and freezing...
Had to put on socks and mummified self before sleep...
Missing Bit Bit & Mit Mit..
They've grown so much...

Waiting for answer about my inquiry to be send to Cambodia to work for OM Cambodia with the abuse/ street children...Guess ship life is over for me for now...

I am so sorry for hurting you again..
I regret every single moment of it...
The pain in my heart is so intense..
Cos I know I have hurt you again..
I have fail you again..
I nail you again on the cross..

I am so sorry for my wrongs...
Please forgive me...

Warning: Contain materials that may be sensitive to certain viewer. Do skip if you are not comfortable with it. Thank you.


Many times, we as human fail to recognize or does not seems to be able to practice this simple yet difficult task of NOT JUDGING OTHERS...

Many times, I realized people around me, even me myself at times, so easy to draw a conclusion or judgment upon someone else behavior or wrong doing....


Who are we to judge others?
Unless we can put up our head and declare ' I am 100% blameless/faultless/sinless'
Then maybe then we can consider having the license to start judging others..


It's so easy judging others... pointing out people's fault and wrong but never did we realize our fault and wrong is almost equal or maybe even bigger..

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
Matt 7: 3 - 4

It's sad when people keep holding on to this judging attitude and judge those that have fallen or sin even if the person had repented...

Judging only make those that repented more difficult in starting a new life cause of the condemnation and guilt that people keep imposing upon their life...

Instead of continue judging and condemning others that had fallen short and tried to stand up again....

Shouldn't we clap and cheer for them? Encouraging them? Telling them well done for waking up & welcoming them into the new road of life... a road of freedom & being set free from the past bondages as it no longer be able to haunt them for they are set free and cleanse?

Those that realized they had been wrong & want to change their life... its the beginning to the road of victory...

Do we not realize that it takes a lot of effort and boldness to walk that road?
They do not need additional condemnation & guilt to be inflicted upon them, as I believe they already have tons of guilt & feeling of self condemnation weighing them down...

I always love the scene where a huge crowd of people wanting to stone a prostitute to death because of her immorality and then one by one of the crowd, throw down the stone and leave when this question struck them.....

"WHO WITHOUT SIN, THROW THE FIRST STONE"

Who have not sin before? There is no such thing as too big or too small of a sin that God cannot forgive.. On the day, the very hour at the cross, "IT IS FINISH...IT IS DONE"

We are no longer subject to the slavery of sin or the guilt of it...

Same to every pain, every hard ship, every betrayal, every addiction..... the list can go on and on...


That's just my thoughts in general...not pointing to anyone...



1) Lets be honest and humble ourself in repentance
2)There is no sin that is too shameful nor to big for God, come to him. Nothing change His love
for you no matter how much you have mess up. By his grace & mercy, you are forgiven.
3)The pain or brokenness maybe so intense, surrender your pain to the Healer...

Since young, I've always dream to be a singer/actress/model.
I really do not know why & what birth those dreams & longing...

Even as young as 8 years old, I would often dream to be someone famous one day... to appear in TV....

When everyone else was having afternoon nap, I will sneak up, changed into my bare back little dresses, silently smuggle mum's make up & started to paint my face.

Then I would stand in front of the mirror & 'admire' myself & use a comb or talcum bottle as my mic & start singing and dancing in front of the mirror...

That lead to the boldness to stand on stage & sing in front of a big group of people in Hotel Excelsior, Ipoh when I was 11 years old.

I guess those dreams are still in me. Not fully given up upon yet.

I think that was what lead to being involved in beauty pageant in 2005. Was grateful for the chance to be involved in such competition for the sake of experience. Honestly, totally had no idea bout it when I got the call from them. Did not prepare my self nor anything before I went for it.

Only regret was did not keep copies of picture during the competition & record those sessions in ASTRO.

Forget bout the whole dream for few years....

Then somehow, those dream came to surface again.... CLEO Cover Girl 2008...

I really don't understand me at times... since it was my dream... encrypted in my DNA...I should be more than happy to pursue it after all these years with the chance I've been given to be sign exclusive by modeling agency... I just let it go... do I regret it? Honestly, no...


I prefer the previous issue more...

Came across this clip from youtube


It brought me to tears...

It's indeed true...

When we were hurt badly & deeply,
We will never recover until we learn to forgive.
Forgiveness does not change what had happen,
But it set us free in future.

It's indeed very true...
Easier say than done..
But it's not impossible...
Once we take the step & choose to forgive,
We are set free from the haunting of the past hurt & pain...
We can now move forward & live in the present & not living in the pass.

I had a dream...
Woke up feeling funny :)

I dream I was being propose...

The scenario...

In school canteen setting....
Being proposed with a small bundle of little purple flowers wrap with those pvc book wrapper..
And ring? haha, he jus took my ring out from my finger & use the same ring to propose...

Not those romantic proposal that every girls would dream off...

:D haha... that desperate me?

Well, wedding plans postpone to next year... Not in dream but for real

Many years back, when I first heard this song, it really stir & touch my heart so much that it brought me to tears. At the moment, I do not understand what's it all about...such simple words, how can it stir and move my heart so much? Why when I hear and as I sing along, meaning every words that I sing, as a prayer " Here am I, send me to the nations...." Tears keep flowing down. My heart felt weird as if it does not belong to me & as if I cant contain it in my body anymore...

Some years after, hearing the song again & even now, the song still have the same effect on me. Something is stirring deep down in my heart.... a calling of my life, the purpose of my life, my heart desire, my promise, my commitment .....